Building and Growing Adult Friendships

Now in my 50s with older kids, I look back and I can see I have made friendships via so many different areas of my life. Of course, I had the friends I went to school with and those I connected with in my old corporate world. But parenting is a great way to make new friends too!

As a new mom, I sought out other new moms and found it really easy to connect and compare stories with other women who were going through similar times. My kids’ friends’ parents became my friends. It was easy and I saw them all the time anyway. It made sense.

By the time Molly came around 12 years ago, I was a mom of four and found I didn’t have much in common with other moms whose kids were Molly’s age. Many of them were new moms and I had a preteen and three other kiddos.

Now, with Jack in college and Molly in middle school, plus Charlie and Lucy in high school, it’s not “cool” to hang around where your kids are hanging out. We’re long past play dates and attending birthday parties with the kids, and they’re so independent now that my schedule has freed up a lot.

And it’s not necessarily those old friends from my kids’ younger years who I’m turning to. I, like many others my age, feel a little lost when it comes to friends.

Making friends as an adult is difficult. When we were in high school, college, and even early in our work lives, there was an easy point of connection. Now, with our lives busy and complicated, it’s more difficult.

In different phases of life, you meet different people. Now, in this stage of life, I find myself staying connected with a few select friends, but also finding new friends based on my own interests.

A few years ago, I made a great friend who I have little in common with other than we both have vizslas. I found her in a local Facebook group and we originally met up at a dog park so our dogs could play. This has grown into a great friendship where we spend time in one another’s backyards so our dogs can work the wiggles out.

I have another friend I met when Jack was young and just starting to play soccer. Our boys are now playing together at Northwestern University. Though we don’t get together as often as we would like in town, we recently planned a trip to visit the boys and watch their game. It was a good excuse to take a trip and catch up.

My tennis friends are also an important part of my life. Though I don’t see them socially outside of tennis, we’ve shared some great times together on the court and they were part of my COVID plan, since we could play outside.

If you’re struggling with friendships in midlife, I encourage you to identify some things that are important to you or things you really enjoy doing and then go do them! Join a book club, find (or create) a hiking group, volunteer for a cause you’re passionate about. Make connections with people who you have a common interest with and you’re sure to grow a friendship out of it!